Okay, new meat. If you’re reading this book, congratulations. You’ve proved you have the brains to read and the ability to stomach the rules laid out in the earlier sections of this book. If you have any problem with those rules, come and speak to me so I can kick you out on your ass as soon as possible. For those of you who can handle a few sensible restrictions, keep reading.
Now, I don’t know and I really don’t care what you did before you joined up, but you need to know that now that you’re in a mercenary core there’s a decent chance you’re going to run into some freaky magical shit. In fact, we have some freaky magical shit on our side, and you’d better be grateful for it because our mages and clerics and whatever else they call themselves are going to save your ass so many times they might as well own it. If you’re the type to freak out at a little finger-waggling and destruction of the rules of reality, see my instructions from the start of this part of the book.
This part of the book will tell you how to deal with freaky magical shit. You’re welcome.
Enemy Mages: These motherfuckers can fuck you up if you’re not careful, but they’re hardly immortal. Don’t cluster up and stay on your toes and you should be fine. Archers are a great way to deal with a mage, and so are other mages, but if you don’t have either get in the mage’s face and swing whenever they start gesturing and chanting. Most of them can’t deal with it and most of them can’t take a shot worth shit.
Allied Mages: On the battlefield, protect our mages and get out of the way when they say to. Off the battlefield, I don’t give a fuck. If you’ve got beef, don’t let it come to blood. If you fight ‘em, remember that they’re often fragile so be careful, and also that they can and will wreck you if you get too mouthy.
Undead: We may occasionally have to deal with necromancers. These weirdoes think walking corpses make better soldiers than actual people. They are wrong. Use bludgeoning weapons unless told otherwise, and if you need help get a cleric— the same spells they use to heal us can burn an undead to a pile of ash.
Elementals: These things are made of natural elements. You probably won’t run into one, unless a mage summons one. Be cautious and ask the smart people what kind of weapon to use.
Ghosts: Some people seem to think that walking corpses aren’t weird enough and summon dead people without bodies. These fuckers go right through armor and don’t even have the decency to be solid enough to hit without a magic weapon. Get a spellcaster or someone who has a magic weapon to deal with these assholes.
Oozes: We probably won’t run into these, but if you do, get a mage or something other than a normal weapon. Most of these weird things are acidic and eat weapons like no one’s business.
Fey: Apologize for bothering them and if we need to deal with them go get Axe. For whatever fucking reason he speaks their sparkle-tongue and can usually deal with them. If he can’t deal with them Cold Iron will kill them pretty easily.
Demons/Devils/Whatever the fuck these evil fuckers are calling themselves: It’s not likely that we’ll run into these asshats but if we do they usually resist normal damage. Spellcasters are useful again, and depending on what species of evil asshole they are Silver or Cold Iron works best.
Were-whatevers: People that change into animals without being druids. Usually do it on the full moon. Use silver weapons, if you get bitten tell someone so you don’t become one of them.
Golems: These big man-shaped things are made out of different materials. They’re tough as hell, but unfortunately for us magic doesn’t work on them so we need to deal with them the old-fashioned way. Either get a lot of guys or some really tough guys and get ready for a fight.
Dragons: Run and hope it didn’t decide to eat you.